ADFLY

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

LADIES: ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE?


(Glamour) Are you really in love? Run down this checklist of subtle signs and find out whether your romance is touch and go -- or a permanent connection.

"I know him inside and out." It's natural to focus on the external qualities you like about a guy -- his washboard abs, his smile, even his job -- but true love is all about appreciating what's inside the package, notes Robert Billingham, Ph.D., an associate professor of human development and family studies at Indiana University in Bloomington. Test yourself: In 30 seconds, name three character traits you admire about him. Stumped? You're still in the early phase of your romance.

"We usually see the funny side of most situations." Partners who laugh it up tend to stay together longer than those who don't, according to a study of 124 newlywed couples conducted at the University of Washington in Seattle. "Couples who frequently bring up shared jokes condition themselves to make light of tense situations, which in turn helps regulate a relationship's temperature," says researcher Sybil Carrere, Ph.D. "Even during a heated argument, they tend to use gentle humor to bring down the level of the conflict before it gets too out of hand."

"He's not fazed by the fact that I once cheated on my ex." Waving bye-bye to bygones proves that your affection is so cemented, neither of you is suspiciously anticipating future screwups, says Billingham.

"He considers my yoga class to be a fascinating topic of conversation." Couples who swap a lot of banter stay together longer than those who rarely exchange mundane musings, according to research conducted by John Gottman, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Washington. So go on, talk about the weather or what you had for lunch; you're communicating in a no-need-to-impress mode, just the way you do in friendship -- which is what remains long after passion subsides.

"We want each other along on girls' or boys' night out." Sure, you two enjoy the occasional bar-hop or burger fest alone with pals. But if you've reached the point where you'd be happiest including your partner in most of your social plans, notes Billingham, you've shifted from the "me" mode to the "we" mode. Congrats.

amung.us