This past week, I unfriended an old friend from high school because he posted a really douchey comment on my Facebook page, and the whole debacle got me thinking about Facebook Friend Dealbreakers: those annoying/offensive/stupid things that always send us searching for the “unfriend” button. I polled the rest of the Frisky staff and we came up with 20 dealbreakers–from major infractions to minor pet peeves–that will get you kicked off our friend lists.
1. Misogyny, homophobia, or racism. Zero tolerance. One post like that and you’re gone.
2. Constant invites to play Farmville. See also: Bejeweled, Mafia Wars, Cafe World, or “Answer this question about me right now!”
3. Constant posts about DJ nights and parties. Especially when we don’t even live in the same city anymore.
4. Constant posting in general. Don’t clog up my newsfeed, bro.
5. People who post vague status updates that sound like suicide notes. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it anymore…” is not an appropriate reaction to your boyfriend forgetting to buy milk.
6. Posting a photo of your child’s poop. Or your dog’s poop. Or your poop. Let’s just keep poop off Facebook, shall we?
7. Name dropping. “I’m partying at Ryan Seacrest’s house, y’all!” Good for you. Unfriended.
8. Being an a**hole. We all have a few friends who are quick to correct our grammar, make fun of our status updates, and start flame wars in comments sections. We should all stop being friends with these people.
9. Posting Instagram photos of every meal. Chipotle is not worthy of photo documentation, you guys.
10. Pleas for donations. We’re not against giving to charity, of course, but we think it’s rude to ask people you don’t know very well to give you money.
11. Oversharing. We really, truly don’t need to know about what happens in your bathroom, your bedroom, or your doctor’s office.
12. One too many themed photoshoots. Look, a comic book makeup photoshoot every once in a while is great. An occasional erotic bondage-themed photoshoot is just fine too. But do we really need to see full photo sets every week?
13. Compulsive check-ins. Stephanie checked in at Starbucks. Stephanie checked in at work. Stephanie checked in at the conference room. Stephanie checked in at the park. Stephanie checked in at the grocery store. Stephanie checked in at the movie theater. Stephanie checked in at Stephanie’s house. Stephanie is not our friend anymore.
14. People who treat all their Facebook friends as potential customers. We wish you the best of luck with the sex toy party business, but we’d rather not be invited to five of them per week.
15. Conspiracy theorists. 9/11 was an inside job. Obama was born in Kenya. Why are we friends with you, again?
16. People whose lives seem way too perfect. You’ve got a gorgeous husband who buys you flowers every day, lovely children who never misbehave, a fulfilling and high-paying job, a spotless home, a killer wardrobe, and an endless stream of tropical vacation photos. Also you’re ruining my life.
17. Politics overload. We love a rousing political discussion, but using Facebook to bombard your friends with all politics, all the time, is totally exhausting.
18. Daily platitudes or passages from the bible. Way more annoying than inspiring.
19. People who go to a wedding, like, every weekend. We can only look at so many photos of bridesmaids jumping in unison.
20. Negative Nancys. “I just can’t catch a break.” “Why do I even try?” “Same sh*t, different day.” Dude, you are killing my life buzz.
.gif)
